Sometimes when I'm bored, I like to frequent an advice subforum on a humor website. It's kind of like Jerry Springer - it's completely pointless and classless and generally just makes me feel better about being me rather than some toothless granny who's been sleeping with her nephew AND his stripper girlfriend.
Some of the questions are legitimate problems, and the shitheads who roll into the thread to mock them are generally counterbalanced by people giving legitimate advice. But a lot of the questions end up being people trying to have a bad idea justified.
Like "nobody in my family likes my girlfriend. We want to get married. Also she is a recent widow 10 years older than me and already has a kid and wants another right away and we've been dating for about a year. and I'm going to live on an oil rig 3 weeks at a time."
Or "this girl keeps flirting with me but she has a long-distance boyfriend but I really wanna fuck her but she won't let me. how do I talk her into letting me fingerbang her?"
These are both 10-second summaries of actual threads from the last couple weeks. And the posters are trying to defend their shitty life choices as if they're not really a choice - like guy 1 HAS to marry his older widow girlfriend and guy 2 could only ever fuck this girl and not some other girl who isn't in a committed relationship.
REALLY?
Sometimes, it's hard to know whether I want to *headdesk* or slam THEIR heads into their desks. Little column A, I guess, mostly column B. Although head trauma probably isn't going to be extremely helpful to somebody who's already pretty stupid.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Why This is Advice *Bitch*
The thing that makes most advice situations so frustrating (when your good advice is ignored) is that people will ignore it for stupid reasons, or no reason at all.
I spend a lot of my driving time or working-with-headphones-on time listening to old episodes of Loveline. It's a radio show (and sometime tv program) most famously hosted by Adam Carrolla and Dr. Drew Pinsky. Adam fills the role of personality/everyman for advice and humor, and Dr. Drew is there as his more serious foil to give input on medical situations. Occasionally one of the hosts isn't there due to some other commitment, and they frequently have guest stars on to promote something, but the heart of the program is just the two of them, talking to teenagers about their relationship troubles and cracking jokes.
And it has to be the most unfulfilling job in the world. People will call in and be actively annoyed that the people THEY CALLED for help are asking questions so as to better help them.
One call in particular stands out to me as annoying. A young woman, about 18, was having trouble climaxing when masturbating. This is normal for most women, as Dr. Drew was quick to reassure her, and usually changes with age - by the time she's in her mid-20s she probably won't have that problem any more, but for younger women, it's harder to 'get there,' especially when it's a solo adventure, because the female orgasm is generally very closely related to emotional state and emotional connection - tldr if a girl loves a guy, it's easier to get off from what he does to her. Without the emotion, it's harder or even effectively impossible.
She accepted this information, but wanted to know what to do. There really wasn't anything to be done, since it was just an issue of physiology, which would resolve itself with time. But that wasn't good enough. So this, approximately, was their conversation:
Well, you can keep trying to masturbate, on the off chance it works.
But that's frustrating!
Yeah, understandably. You can choose not to, then, since it doesn't work.
But I want to masturbate!
How about getting a boyfriend and you can sort of work on it together?
*huffy noise*
This is why Adam frequently berates the callers.
And this is the problem faced by all would-be advisors. People are never happy with a solution if it requires any sort of work, sacrifice, or patience. So I think sometimes they NEED berated, just to snap through their knee-jerk get-in-my-own way reactions and take your frigging helpful advice already.
This is why, in my head at least, all advice I give anymore begins with "Step 1: Shut up."
I spend a lot of my driving time or working-with-headphones-on time listening to old episodes of Loveline. It's a radio show (and sometime tv program) most famously hosted by Adam Carrolla and Dr. Drew Pinsky. Adam fills the role of personality/everyman for advice and humor, and Dr. Drew is there as his more serious foil to give input on medical situations. Occasionally one of the hosts isn't there due to some other commitment, and they frequently have guest stars on to promote something, but the heart of the program is just the two of them, talking to teenagers about their relationship troubles and cracking jokes.
And it has to be the most unfulfilling job in the world. People will call in and be actively annoyed that the people THEY CALLED for help are asking questions so as to better help them.
One call in particular stands out to me as annoying. A young woman, about 18, was having trouble climaxing when masturbating. This is normal for most women, as Dr. Drew was quick to reassure her, and usually changes with age - by the time she's in her mid-20s she probably won't have that problem any more, but for younger women, it's harder to 'get there,' especially when it's a solo adventure, because the female orgasm is generally very closely related to emotional state and emotional connection - tldr if a girl loves a guy, it's easier to get off from what he does to her. Without the emotion, it's harder or even effectively impossible.
She accepted this information, but wanted to know what to do. There really wasn't anything to be done, since it was just an issue of physiology, which would resolve itself with time. But that wasn't good enough. So this, approximately, was their conversation:
Well, you can keep trying to masturbate, on the off chance it works.
But that's frustrating!
Yeah, understandably. You can choose not to, then, since it doesn't work.
But I want to masturbate!
How about getting a boyfriend and you can sort of work on it together?
*huffy noise*
This is why Adam frequently berates the callers.
And this is the problem faced by all would-be advisors. People are never happy with a solution if it requires any sort of work, sacrifice, or patience. So I think sometimes they NEED berated, just to snap through their knee-jerk get-in-my-own way reactions and take your frigging helpful advice already.
This is why, in my head at least, all advice I give anymore begins with "Step 1: Shut up."
Friday, January 7, 2011
So What's All This, Then?
This blog is the result of an idea. One I'd like to think is a good idea, if for no other reason than it is mine.
See, a lot of people like to ask for advice, but then they don't take it, no matter how reasonable it is. For example, a friend was moving along with her housemates, but had to wait for something in the mail. I suggested they go ahead without her, she wait behind the week or so it took for the item to arrive, and then she follows them, which has the added bonus of her not having to unpack most of their shit. "No, I don't want to drive alone." Okay, how about just waiting for the postal service to forward it to you? "No, I need it right away." Okay, how about you have a friend or neighbor check the mail and overnight it to you? Ad infinitem. It didn't matter how many suggestions I gave her. She didn't really want a solution. She wanted a pity party.
This is a blog about those people. The stupid situations people find themselves in, and the things you wish you were blunt enough to say in real life. The things you COULD say, if you didn't particularly care to keep your friends.
If anybody ends up reading this, feel free to offer up examples of your own friends, or ask me for advice on your own situation. But caveat emptor (does that still apply if this is free?) - this is no Dear Abby. This is Advice Bitch. If you need a harsh truth, I will give it to you. Because you have enough real life friends to coddle you. Me, I don't particularly care if you like me, which allows me the freedom to be honest.
And harsh honesty? I'd be lying if I said I didn't like doling it out. It's pretty cathartic. So bring on the questions, and get ready to regret asking them!
See, a lot of people like to ask for advice, but then they don't take it, no matter how reasonable it is. For example, a friend was moving along with her housemates, but had to wait for something in the mail. I suggested they go ahead without her, she wait behind the week or so it took for the item to arrive, and then she follows them, which has the added bonus of her not having to unpack most of their shit. "No, I don't want to drive alone." Okay, how about just waiting for the postal service to forward it to you? "No, I need it right away." Okay, how about you have a friend or neighbor check the mail and overnight it to you? Ad infinitem. It didn't matter how many suggestions I gave her. She didn't really want a solution. She wanted a pity party.
This is a blog about those people. The stupid situations people find themselves in, and the things you wish you were blunt enough to say in real life. The things you COULD say, if you didn't particularly care to keep your friends.
If anybody ends up reading this, feel free to offer up examples of your own friends, or ask me for advice on your own situation. But caveat emptor (does that still apply if this is free?) - this is no Dear Abby. This is Advice Bitch. If you need a harsh truth, I will give it to you. Because you have enough real life friends to coddle you. Me, I don't particularly care if you like me, which allows me the freedom to be honest.
And harsh honesty? I'd be lying if I said I didn't like doling it out. It's pretty cathartic. So bring on the questions, and get ready to regret asking them!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)